“Every child has left their mark in our home” – Julie & Pauls Fostering story!

Julie & Paul

Julies & Pauls Fostering Story

Let’s start with how you got into fostering.

Why did you decide to become foster carers and how has your experience been?

The idea of fostering had been on our minds for many years, but with the arrival of our grandchildren, we put it on hold and focused on helping our own family. However, just before the pandemic hit, my partner Paul brought up the topic again. Our grandchildren loved spending time with us, and we realized that we had the patience, understanding, and love needed to make a difference in the lives of other children. We reached out to an agency to explore the possibility, and to our relief, my severe sight impairment did not hinder our chances. Fostering became something we could do together, and in May 2020, during the first lockdown, we welcomed our first placement. Excitement mixed with apprehension, as we wanted to ensure we did everything right and provide the children with the care they deserved.

Fostering has brought so much activity into our lives. We find ourselves doing things we never thought we would at our age—attending tap classes, horse riding, and even enduring freezing winters at the end of a football pitch. We go camping with the kids, put on sumo suits for wrestling matches, and have countless fun-filled experiences along the way. Looking back, we regret not starting this journey earlier. Witnessing the impact we can have on these children’s lives makes us feel like fostering is our true calling. We realize that we could have positively influenced many more lives by now, but at the time, we were unaware of what fostering entailed and mistakenly believed we couldn’t manage it while also caring for our grandchildren. In hindsight, we know this assumption was far from the truth.

Embarking on your fostering journey during a lockdown must have presented its own set of challenges. How did you navigate through those difficulties?

Undoubtedly, the children faced more challenges during the lockdown than we did. They couldn’t engage in the activities they desired or spend time with their friends due to the imposed restrictions. However, for us, it provided an opportunity to deepen our connection with them. We had more time to get to know them better and create a nurturing environment.

We’d love to hear a heart-warming success story from your fostering experience.

We have experienced success with all the children we’ve fostered, and each placement has taught us valuable lessons. One particularly memorable experience was when we had two Nigerian girls in our care. We not only learned new cooking skills from them but also gained insights into their vibrant culture. Together, we would go shopping, allowing the girls to choose the ingredients they wanted for their meals. During the children’s visits with their parents, we built a bond with the entire family. Their parents, wonderful individuals, even had traditional Nigerian clothing made for us—a touching gesture. Witnessing the relationships develop between the children, their parents, and us was heartening. Ultimately, the girls returned to their parents, which itself stands as a remarkable success story. To this day, we maintain contact with them and their parents, regularly visiting and cherishing the connection we formed.

Building positive relationships with parents can sometimes be challenging, but you have managed to foster many positive relationships over the years. What approach do you take to achieve this?

We believe it is crucial to demonstrate responsible adult behaviour to the children. We have been fortunate not to encounter any issues with the parents of our foster children. Partly, we attribute this to treating them with kindness and respect, just as we would any other person. We exchange Christmas presents and engage in pleasant conversations when dropping off the children for contact. Regardless of what has transpired, we recognize that they are the parents, and it is not our place to pass judgment. Our role is to care for the children and ensure their happiness. When parents feel comfortable around us, it creates a more relaxed atmosphere for everyone involved, including the children.

Have you come across any helpful resources during your fostering journey?

From the beginning, we were assured that our supervising social worker would always be there for us, and they upheld that promise. They are just a phone call away, ready to provide advice or lend an ear when needed. Although we haven’t faced major issues, having the option to seek guidance on specific matters such as schooling has been invaluable. Since we started during the lockdown, our meetings were conducted online via Teams. Additionally, I was paired with someone from our foster agency as a buddy, offering advice and support during leisurely walks in the park. Our agency has been exceptional, ensuring that we feel supported and part of their foster care family.

You initially had concerns about how your sight impairment might affect your chances of fostering, but it turned out to be a non-issue. What advice would you give to disabled individuals who aspire to foster?

Having a visual impairment hasn’t hindered my ability to foster in any way. I am no different from any other person; I simply approach tasks differently. For instance, when setting the house alarm, I rely on my memory of button locations instead of sight. I have adapted and learned to make the most of my other senses. None of the children we’ve fostered has been bothered by my impairment. They quickly learn not to leave bags on the floor and often remind me to watch out for steps or obstacles. Children possess remarkable understanding and empathy, and my disability provides an opportunity for them to learn about differences and abilities.

Initially, I had some self-doubt, fearing that I might be rejected due to my impairment. However, it turned out that what matters most is the ability to keep a child safe and make a positive impact in their life. Fostering agencies are genuinely interested in finding carers who can accomplish that goal.

We understand that fostering can be challenging at times. How do you handle these difficulties?

The rewards we reap from fostering far outweigh the challenges, but it is essential to develop resilience. When children say things intended to upset you, it’s crucial to remember that they are often expressing frustration with their circumstances, not directing it towards you. Dealing with such situations using humour often yields better results for everyone involved. By empathizing with the children on their level, we establish a stronger connection and are better equipped to guide them. Setting boundaries is important, but it is equally vital for the children to know that they can discuss anything without fear. We believe that there is no problem we cannot solve together.

And finally, what do you find most rewarding about being a foster carer?

Every child who has been in our care has left an indelible mark on our home. Their names are stencilled on pieces of wood, which we have proudly affixed to the fence, ensuring that their memory remains a part of our lives forever. Their presence can be felt throughout our home, from the gnomes they’ve placed in the garden to the Nigerian music on our Alexa playlist. It is truly heart-warming to be reminded of the wonderful children who have become part of our family.

One of the most rewarding aspects is when children move on but continue to maintain contact with us. There’s no greater joy than waking up to a message adorned with a big love heart that says, “I love you, Auntie.” Three years ago, we questioned whether we would be good enough, yet receiving ongoing communication from these children reassures us that we made a positive impact. Although it is saddening when the children move on, as we form strong bonds with them, knowing that they still think of us when they are back home brings us immense happiness.

Moreover, witnessing the transformation of children who first come to us, and observing how far they’ve come in just a few months, is incredibly rewarding. The current little girl under our care has blossomed during the eight months she has spent with us. Initially shy and introverted, she now engages in tap dancing, horse riding, stretch and strength activities, as well as Girl Guides. Her true personality has emerged, and we consistently encourage her to strive for excellence.

With time, our confidence has grown. We see the positive impact we have on the lives of these children, and the feedback we receive from young people and professionals affirms that we are on the right path. While we may not get everything perfect, experience teaches us valuable lessons, and the support and encouragement we receive inspire us to continue making a difference.

If you would like to learn more about our foster care experiences or have any inquiries, please contact us on our website fostercares.co.uk. It is our dedicated foster carers who have shared their insights and stories, and we are grateful to them for their contributions.

Check out the blog post on the NAFP Website at – https://www.nafp.org.uk/articles/every-child-has-left-their-mark-in-our-home